I have always hated Disney. Their movies have a way of 'cock-teasing' young girls' dreams of finding the Perfect Man.

Just when some of us self-conscious girls couldn't find more reasons to hate Disney Princesses, I have discovered that there is more to hate about them, besides their perfectly coiffed hair and airbrushed complexions.

In Sleeping Beauty, Prince Charming took Sleeping Beauty away from the Evil Witch and carried her on his white stead to his castle. But wait. Disney tends to censor the masses by skipping all the truly good parts. What happens between the time the credits are rolled and Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming lived "happily ever after"? What you didn't see was Prince Charming taking Sleeping Beauty to his bedroom in the highest tower of the castle and laying her on the grandest bed... peeled off her petticoat and took off his shirt...and...

In Aladdin, I totally dreamnt of a romantic dusty evening, and Aladdin would swoop me away from my balcony on his grand carpet and take me back to his lair where he laid me down on his futon, peeled off his vest and he looked like this:

And don't even lie. When you saw Lilo and Stitch, did you totally imagine Lilo's friend would look like this in a few years, nipple ring and all?:

This is the stuff childhood Disney dreams are made of...